Everything has a silver lining, silver lining so heavy it crushes you once you realize it's even fucking there. I currently am unable to find any such lining- and why would I, cynicism is just so darn comfortable. Diificulty finding motivation is intense. Since I'm incapable of seeing the bright sides of things, I see no reason to progress or do work, because ultimately it all seems pointless. Not in a generic angsty teen way, mind you, but in a "holy fucking iguana christ goddamnit there's no end to this" way. That last sentence yelled at me for not capitalizing Christ, despite the fact that I related him to fucking, holiness, and iguanas. I love you, spell check. I should write a fucking novel. It'd be amazing. Well, bye.

Ah, apathy. That wonderful adjective used to describe all the things without care. Apathetics are also among some of the most obnoxious people to deal with. Terrible to be friends with, terrible to date. After all, how can you please or be pleased by someone who doesn't give a flying fuck about anything? This is just a random tangent on this dreary, rainy afternoon. I envy that ability to remove the importance and mattering of things from events and people. Ignorance is bliss, after all.

Today at my school we had a faux car accident, to demonstrate how horrible it was and such. I do realize that all of my friends present who read this will laugh, and I soldier on anyways . Everyone is so upset over death. People even get angry to defend their grief. It sucks, it happens, and then thats it. Nothing anyone breaks, yells about, cries about, or bitches about will bring them back. I'm sick of feeling like a dick because I'm not heartbroken or in tears, or stoically observing these disasterous proceedings. I rarely cry, certainly not over strangers. I reserve any and all compassion for those I truly care about, sorry to say that I don't feel anything but a slight pang of pity for those I don't know's close ones. And grieving in general, fascinates me. Its an outlet of built of feelings, naturally, and its how humans function. But after years of mourning, one has to realize that your mourning yourself, and your own sadness. You pity your pity. Because the one who is gone is not in pain, not suffering, not in need of your sadness. So the only one benefited by such drawn of grief is the griever. I don't know where the dead go, and honestly I don't care. Find out when I get there, aye? Statements like "they had their whole lives ahead of them, their missing so much", ect. They are beyond caring. They miss nothing, feel no loss or emptiness. That I can promise, that I can know. So for everyone who's shouldering age old sadness and grief over death, or anything really, just let it go. Because you can't help them, but you can help yourself prevent joining them.
This has been a friendly message from your favorite pessimist.


I'm not heartless or cold, I'm just experienced. And for any and if any anger at this message follows, well. If I'm wrong then let the fallen judge me, not you flawed unknowing products.

So the school year is soon drawing to a close.
I'd be saying "fuck yea" in over dramatic tones with lots of fist pumping and hand gestures, but the SAT's have a way of killing that.
My ego is warring with my laziness, as the need to exceed in my classes becomes incredibly pronounced.
I haven't really accomplished anything in these 3 years of high school.
Though I am more bitter and experienced for it.
But bitterness can be good like...Some form of..Uh..Bitter candy. Or something.
I wish that wordly experience leveled me up like in some RPG or pokemon, where I could change my attributes and evolve into something better.
Considering becoming asexual.
I shall reproduce by budding; or wreak a terrible revenge on those who oppose me, by releasing tiny noah-spores into the air and choking them with my awesome.
I saw Nightwish in concert Friday night, that was pretty win. Cept for the drunk guy who fell on me, but it was all good cuz I got to wave the Finnish flag with him.
I need to meet someone who rapes my sense of fail with how fantastic they are.
Save me from asexualism.Ness.
I've got an idea of a victi-Er, person. Not too long to pursue it though.
Read my shit. Judge my shit. Allow me to improve me shit.
Or may the Grabnoidz of the planet Zerkay devour you with their weebersnapz.

I've come to a realization.
The understanding that everything romantic at this stage in my life is bullshit.
Relationships will never be worthwhile in highschool.
Chasing girls? Pursuing "love"? Fucking wastes.
I've become to dependant, to focused, on having another being to support me and give me purpose.
I don't need someone else's support.
I don't need a purpose verified through another.
My friends and my writing are enough.
I'll chain up the fuckers in my mind who think dependance is healthy.
If I don't rely on anyone, then noone can ever fail me.
I am my own strongest link to existence.
I need to achieve as much as possible without looking back; there is no time for the regrets that I feel.
Whats done is done.
Those chapters are filled, the ink has dried.
I will write a better future for myself.
To the Hells with everyone else.